Tag Archives: heartbreak

A HORROR-ible night to remember…

Sometimes I miss being so incredibly naive and hopeful like I was when I was thirteen. Watching too many romantic teen comedies gave me a false sense of how things worked in the real world. Like that one night or one party could change my luck. The luck I was looking for the boy of my dreams to notice me. Not just notice me but fall in love with me. Like I said, I was naive.

It was October and my friend Sara announced she was going to have a Halloween party at her house. If my life were a movie, it would have been Sixteen Candles. Jack* would have been my Jake Ryan. Most days I felt just as invisible to the whole world as Molly Ringwald did. I only wish that the boy would notice me.

mollyr

For the past month, I had been pretty bummed about the Jack situation. I felt like he didn’t notice me and if he did it was because I was that “weird girl” in his science class. He had been dating April*. She was pretty and nice which was a rare combination in junior high. I never had a problem with her until I saw her sitting on Jack’s lap one night.

Anna* and I decided to get some fresh air one night during the high school basketball game when we noticed them and another couple practically making out on the swings. It scared me. I wrote in my journal that night declaring that I was “afraid to grow up in a world of sex” and that Jack “made me sick!” (Lisa Frank Journal).

scared

After that, I tried to accept the fact that Jack was too advanced for me, and I should just let our love go.

Ok, I let it go for about a week. I kept writing about how I wanted to find a new boy to make Jack jealous, but it never happened. My second plan was to make April unpopular, but I didn’t know how to manipulate an entire eighth class into hating one of the prettiest girls in school. Eventually, I gave into the idea that maybe they were meant to be. I overestimated the seriousness of a typical preteen relationship.

A couple of days before the Halloween party the rumor broke out that Jack and April broke up. At the time, it was one of the happiest moments of my life. It was fate, I thought. That day I came up with a fool-proof plan to win Jack’s heart.

First things first, I needed a killer costume. Being only thirteen I had never dressed “sexy” for Halloween, but this year was going to be different. My idea of sexy was, of course, wearing tons of makeup and looking girly. I just wanted to look different, look prettier. I begged my parents to drive me the twenty minutes to the city to buy the best costume I could find. The costume store had been raided, but I ended up finding a red “saloon girl” dress. The day of the party I got self-conscious of trying to intentionally look pretty. I panicked and ended up changing my costume to “zombie saloon girl”.

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The second part of the plan was a bit flawed. I would ask Jack to dance and not just Jack, but other boys. I was going to make Jack jealous. I thought if he saw other boys taking an interest then he would be interested. I never took into consideration that other girls would be coming up with fool-proof plans.

Come Saturday night, someone was going to be Jack’s girlfriend. It just wasn’t me.

To be continued…

*Names have been changed because I don’t want to be sued for defamation. ☺

Ex-boyfriend plus new crush equals disaster.

The first time I saw Jack* was pure magic. Our school never had any luck getting cute new boys, but with him, we hit the jackpot. He was everything I never knew I wanted in a boy. His “pure blue” eyes and curly brown hair overtook everything else that was perfect about him. I thought he was flawless because his short, muscular frame looked far less awkward than all the other boys in my grade. Before Jack, I never knew what “love at first sight” meant. The minute I saw him our life together flashed before my eyes. Our epic love would last forever. Unfortunately, he was the fresh meat in a tank of hungry preteen female sharks. I had no chance. 200-29

I didn’t know what to do about Jack. I couldn’t get him out of my head. I wanted him to be my boyfriend. I never wanted anything more, but I couldn’t even make eye contact with the guy. I got red every time he even considered looking my way. I was the “weird girl” because of the multiple times he would catch me staring at the back of his head during science class. I tried to play it off as if I was “zoning out” when really I was trying to Jedi mind trick him into loving me. The worst part about science class was the presence of someone from my past, Trevor*. Yes, my first real boyfriend, Trevor, was my first obstacle in getting Jack. They quickly became friends, which was the worst news for me. Trevor acted weird around me ever since we broke up in sixth grade. I felt as though our break up was amicable, but apparently Trevor had seen it differently. I was so worried about the things that he was telling Jack about me. Cause you know he was. Or I was just paranoid. Nothing is more awkward than my elementary ex-boyfriend catching me admiring the back of his best friend’s head. Oh wait.

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My assigned seat was next to Trevor, who sat right behind Jack. One day in particular I caught Trevor’s eyes burrowing holes into the right side of my head. It took a while to realize because my eyes were busy as usual valuing the curves of Jack’s impeccable earlobes. (Yup. His ears were beautiful.) The sight of Jack’s head moving in my direction broke my gaze. Everything seemed to be in slow motion. I glanced over at Trevor to see him staring with a devilish grin. I looked quickly back at Jack, who looked slightly nervous. I quickly shifted my eyes towards my desk in embarrassment.

“She was totally staring at the back of your head. For like ten minutes straight, dude! She must like you!” Trevor exclaimed, so loud the rest of the class heard. Giggles, then, full-blown laughter erupted in the room. Jack’s face turned a light shade of red as he turned towards the front of the classroom. I sat staring ahead, trying to pretend the whole class wasn’t laughing at me. After class, I barely made it the bathroom before breaking down into tears. I sat in the bathroom, waiting, hoping that no one notice I wasn’t in the lunchroom. My best friends Anna* and Cas* found me, trying to reassure me that Trevor must be still in love with me. “It was the only responsible explanation” they explained. Maybe it was a good thing, I thought to myself. Now, Jack would know that I was interested, and it would only be a matter of time before we would be a couple.

Boy was I wrong.